All hope is not lost though.  I also came across this ingenious piece of technology.  It’s a solar powered bullet vibe!  How awesome is that?  No batteries.  No cranks.  Finally scientists have spent their time developing something useful.    I can just picture it now.  It’s a beautiful sunny day.  I’m laying out on my back porch, my whole body lathered in suntan lotion, sipping lemonade and preparing to soak up the sun in more ways than one.  I’ll just lay the solar panel unit on the table beside me and slip the bullet into my bikini bottoms.  Viola! Hands free, guilt free, eco-friendly masturbation.  Of course I could end up cursing at the clouds, but that’s a chance worth taking.  I’ll be sure to let you all know how it works when I get it. Muah!

I’ve always wondered what it’s like to have a birthday on Leap Day.  When does the government officially recognize your birthday?  If you were born on Leap Day and turning 21, would a bar serve you drinks on Feb 28th or would you have to wait until March 1st?  The world needs these answers!

If we didn’t adjust the calendar every 4 years for leap year, I wonder how long it would take for the seasons to be in the opposite months.  It takes Earth approximately 365 days and 6 hours to go around the sun.  So the seasons would shift by one day every four years.  I’m guessing the Solstices would need to shift about 183 days for them to be in the opposite months.  With a one day shift every 4 years, I think that would mean (183 divided by 4) it would take about 46 years for the seasons to fully shift.  It would be pretty crazy to have winter in July, but I guess if I lived in the southern hemisphere that’s exactly what I’d have.

I’m pretty sure not having leap years would mess with the time of day and night in respect to clocks too.  Clocks and calendars would become useless.  Rain would fall up and rivers would run in reverse.  Society as we know it would cease to exist and thus would begin a new era of timeless enlightenment.  That or we’d all just be late to work.  :/

-Abraham Lincoln

This is the part where I remove all doubt. 

I know it may be a little strange, but it kind of turns me on to have someone wash my hair.  Just laying my head back in that special curved sink that cradles my neck.  Then they take that shower wand with the perfectly warm soft spray across my hair weighing it down with water.  Next smelling the shampoo as they rub it in and rinse it out.  The best part though, is when they take that creamy slippery conditioner and massage it all over my head and through my hair.  My stylist seems to know how much I love it and does it extra slow for me taking her time letting me enjoy it.  She told me about guys she’s caught touching themselves under the cape before.  I think a girl might be able to get away with it with more subtle movements especially wearing a dress or a skirt.  On the other hand, I’m sure getting off might be a bit more obvious .  *blush*

I absolutely love The Nightmare Before Christmas.  I always watch it this time of year.  Some people think of it as a Halloween movie but it’s definately a Christmas movie for me.  For awhile they use to re-screen it in 3D in theaters before Halloween.  I would go every year and loved being able to watch it on the big screen.  I don’t know if they started having low ticket sales or what, but they stopped showing it a few years back.  *tears*

An interesting fact that I just noticed this year, the voice of Sally is the mom from Home Alone 1 and 2.  Both of which are movies I like to pop in every year when I’m decorating my tree.

Where to begin?  I guess the beginning… of last night.  I went out with some friends last night to a new Italian restaurant (restaurant, my spelling nemesis.  spell check has defeated you!).  Anyways, the food was really good.  I had the chicken parmigiana.  I’m a bit of a critic when I eat at new places.  I’m tough but I’m fair.  My friends always get a kick out of listening to me critique the food as if I were a pretentious wine connoisseur (<— spell check is my friend, lol) noting the subtleties of each ingredient.  I don’t take myself too seriously. 

I can eat just about anything except for seafood.  I’ve never been able to stomach it.  So when a plate of hot fried calamari went by wafting me with it’s aroma, I about passed out.  It’s funny, most of my friends don’t like seafood either.  Though, they don’t have the same strong reactions to it’s smell.  Maybe it’s a Midwestern thing.  I’m sure if I grew up in a coastal area I’d probably love the stuff.

When we’d finished dinner one of my friends ordered a plate of cannolis for us all to share.  I wasn’t really hungry at that point but I’d never had a cannoli so I had to try it.  Once in my hand I noticed how sexually similar it seemed to both a male and female.  I’m sure it was just my dirty mind, but I decided to bring my friends down into the gutter with me.  I started by suggestively licking the cream from one end of the connoli acting as if I didn’t notice their eyes turning toward me or their subtle giggles.  I allowed a bit of it to drip onto my chin which I quickly escorted back to my lips with my finger.  I then began to slowly slide the connoli into my mouth seeing how far I could take it.  At this point my friends’ giggling was all but subtle and I inadvertently lock eyes with a busboy who was clearing a neighboring table.  I almost lost it but quickly pulled the pastry out from the depths of my throat before my laughter would have surely spitballed the cream filling into the face of the girl sitting across from me.  BTW my first connoli was pretty good.

This can’t be healthy.  I’m pretty sure my neighbors think I’ve gone crazy.  They haven’t said anything but they were giving me dirty looks when I came out to check the razor wire around my perimeter.  One lousy cat gets tangled up in it and all of a sudden I’m the bad guy.  Well, we’ll see who’s knocking on who’s door when their supply of ammo runs low.

Oh, and if my mailman is reading this, I’m really sorry about the other day.  It’s just that with that limp in your walk and the ketchup on your cheek, I couldn’t help but freak out.  I guess I should have stopped chasing you when you were screaming away, but it was hard to hear you over the chainsaw.  I hope you got the fruit basket I sent you.  I would have hand delivered it if it weren’t for that pesky restraining order.  BTW, I have a couple letters to send when you’re feeling better.

Anyways, I guess I should take a break from my zombie obsession.  At least that’s what my court appointed therapist thinks.

Oh wait.  The Walking Dead is on tonight.  Never mind.

Ahhh! Toilet Zombie